Saturday, January 8, 2011

A New Year... I Hate Resolutions

I feel like I should be posting "A New Year, A New Me!", just like millions of other people who resolve to lose weight once January 1 rolls around again. The past 9 months or so have been difficult for me, and I badly fell off the weight-loss wagon. Jeff left last June to work out west, and was gone until the end of October. It became practically impossible to get to the gym, since I was home alone with 3 kids. I felt badly asking nearby family (inlaws) to watch the kids so I could go to the gym any more than once every couple of weeks. And while my gym offered child care, it would either cost me $10/visit, or almost $80/month for child care membership for 3 kids. I just couldn't justify that kind of cost while we're trying to pay off our debt so we can buy a house in the next few years. And then, since I wasn't going to the gym, I just couldn't justify paying out all that money for my membership, especially when we weren't sure how long Jeff was going to be gone. So I canceled it. And now that Jeff's home, we're living off of his unemployment so can't afford a new membership right now. *sigh*

Along with no gym, I found myself doing a lot of evening snacking while I sat home by myself missing Jeff. I ate way too much fast food and tv dinners because I didn't feel like cooking a big meal that no one but me would like. When it was all said and done, I gained back almost 15lbs of the weight I had lost, which just sent me into a bout of depression and crummy self-esteem. Seems to be the story of my life. And even though I started this blog with every intention of posting both the good and the bad, I found myself almost hiding from it, ashamed to put into words exactly how badly I'd failed myself.

Now, here we are, in 2011. The Christmas season was so difficult. When I started really trying to lose this weight last year, I encouraged myself by thinking about how awesome I'd look when Christmas rolled around, and all the friends and family members I haven't seen since last Christmas would be shocked at how great I looked. Instead, I was just as big as always. Even though I've always hated those predictable and never-kept resolutions, I told myself (as I stuffed my face with all those stupidly delicious Christmas goodies) that come the new year, something had to change.

So here I am... changing. I hope.